Food Cures All
by verecund
Summary: All for the love of potatoes...


"Lon'qu?" Robin called out. Only a gruff "hmpf" was her reply. "Well, I'm coming in." With a sigh the lady tactician opened the flaps of the tent and went inside. Her hazel eyes grew at the sight in front of her. "My goodness, look at all of those potatoes!" she exclaimed. Lon'qu remained as silent as ever as he continued peeling the fairest food, in his opinion, in the world. (Let's be honest, potatoes _are_ pretty great.) "Are you sure you can peel all of those-" She shook her head. That wasn't the issue that needed concern over. "More importantly," the woman started again, "Do we even NEED that many!?" There was no way that the Shepherds could eat the, what seemed like, infinitesimal amount of potatoes. Now, she was also wondering how he procured all of them, but brushed the thought aside as she deemed it of less significance.

"Of course," the gynophobe answered simply.

"For what?" Nothing came to mind when she thought about it. Then she heard a soft murmur.

"It's for my potato army..." A small blush dusted the man's face.

Robin pinched herself to validate her existence in reality. "And for what reason do you need an army of potatoes for, Lon'qu?" she inquired in a hushed tone. The myrmidon stopped his motions, looked away and uttered something. "Wait. Could you please repeat that?"

"I...I need to defend myself against Gaius's candy army..."

Robin never would have thought this stoic man in front of her to be so childish. She had the strong urge to laugh right then. However, she didn't want the swordsman to feel any more embarrassed than what was visibly indicated. Now wasn't the time. Out of the awkwardness of the situation she let out a cough instead. "So...is there like...a certain date for the battle? Or?"

By this time, the man's face was beet red. "Two days from now." He resumed his preparations. "Now Robin, if you could please leave..."

"Ah! Yes! Of course! I suppose you should do your best...to _mash_ up Gaius's candy army~!"

"GET OUT!" Lon'qu roared.

The lady tactician couldn't help but let out a giggle before she did. "Oh. I wasn't able to do what I had originally planned to do with him," she realized, clapping her hands together. Still, a small smile formed on her lips as she left to finish up her other duties.

Two days later...

"Allllllriiiiiiight, here I cooooome!" shouted an orange-haired man. The assassin was surrounded by sweets of all kinds, but the Lon'qu's army was just as impressive. He even had time to draw faces on every. single. potato.

To the myrmidon's dismay, a large crowd, spec_tators_ if you will, had formed around the two idio- men. "How did they catch wind of this?" the brunet questioned out loud. It was at this moment that he caught the gaze of a familiar tactician. Robin got shivers from his knowing death glare. However, her movements were not slowed down as she moved towards the front of the crowd. Lon'qu's jaw dropped.

_A POTATO SUIT?_

And behind came more potatoes...wait...ladies? "Okay girls, let's all cheer!" instructed the woman the gynophobe _really_ wasn't happy with right now. At Robin's signal, they all chanted something about how _apeeling_ the army of spuds was? In any case, it involved a lot of potato puns.

Apparently, Gauis had a fair share of supporters too _and_ in candy costumes no less. The redhead heard of the tactician's idea and decided that he didn't want to be outdone. Of course, the woman's real intention was for Lon'qu to get comfortable around the opposite gender. If that meant having to dress up as his favorite food...then so be it! After all, the man was just fine around all of those potatoes, surely he would feel the same if the ladies wore something that imitated them. Ah, but sadly, Robin's plans didn't have the desired results.

After the showdown, the swordsman felt even less secure around the female members of the Shepherds. Who could blame him, though? Women willing to wear potato suits (or candy ones, for that matter) should be, at least, a little bit questionable. The outfits were not very tasteful and something about them must have truck a chord with Lon'qu because he didn't touch or go near his beloved vegetable for quite some time after the event. Luckily, Robin had a backup plan. Only this time, it included a different kind of food.

Figs.

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_A/N:_ _There was a limited amount of editing for this, so it has a ton of mistakes. On another note, I also have a weakness for puns? However, I don't know many that involve potatoes. I hope I was able to get a laugh out of you. Even a silly grin would do! Reviews are fantastic by the way. They help me improve. They also motivate me to write more, if ya'll are into reading my works. Granted, I only have two stories up at the time that I post this..._


End file.
